When the language of Leadership is discussed it is usually about mentorship, influence, 21 Laws, vision and more. All good concepts for anyone who is a leader to have as part of their everyday lexicon. However, all of the good concepts fall apart when you hear lots of “I”s and “Me”s and “My”s coming from the leader.
I, Me, My is just as bad as Um, Er, Like
Whether it is a volunteer organization, a small business, a department or a mega corporation, how a leader speaks defines their view of the overall effort and who was responsible for its success. It is natural for an entrepreneur who started the business on their own to use the word I, and me and my. And if the business took a while to get off the ground then they have been using those words for a long time. It can be hard to break ourselves of the singular. Small businesses with the owner employing a team has a hard time saying “us”. It can be as hard as breaking the habit of saying “um” or “er” or “like” when addressing an audience.
Once you hire someone, the effort immediately needs to become “we” regardless of the positions of the participants. For a company to grow, more than one person is needed. Thomas Kayser, author of Mining Group Gold said “Groups have two assets that exceed those of any individual in the group: they possess more knowledge, and they can think in a greater variety of ways.” The effective use of more people can be more than just adding 2+2, it becomes 2x2.
Leadership and Significance
The owner or the manager that continues to use I, me, my with the people they work with will get the message that they are not as important as the owner or manager. They continually get hit with the subliminal message that “your existence depends on me.” This is also the lowest form of leadership as it makes the relationship dependent on the wage being paid. There is no sense of community or shared purpose.
For success to happen, we need to look at John Maxwell’s Law of Significance. Maxwell says it best with this statement -
"Nothing of significance was ever achieved by an individual acting alone. Look below the surface and you will find that all seemingly solo acts are really team efforts."
People who are entrepreneurs, chief executives, division presidents, business owners, president of their association, have a certain amount of ego that drives them on. The trick is developing your ego in the right direction. Andrew Carnegie declared “It marks a big step in your development when you come to realize that other people can help you do a better job than you could do on your own.”
Leadership relies on relationships with those around you, below, across and above you.
To be a good leader is to suppress the urge to use the singular possessive words when talking about activities and actions and committees. For good leaders it is second nature to use “us”, “we” and “our” when describing a new direction or initiative. To influence others to share in a vision of the future the leader has to use us and we and our to get the members to join in. When we talk as we in our effort to affect change, and hopefully for others to see a part of your vision, you will help yourself in making that vision a reality. Ingrid Bengis, writer, businesswoman, professor, said “For me, words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.”
If there is one single thing that you can do this year to lead change for everyone, it is to be aware of your language as you talk one on one, but more especially to a group. Let’s work to influence change in how we address our constituents.
Originally published in Medium - March 28, 2020